25th Day of Camping... Homeless in Santa Barbara Ca.

Posted by Matthew S. Kennedy 805-765-1113


This blogging everyday is getting pretty cool. The Goleta Beach by the pier is becoming my living room in the late afternoon and the McDonlad's is the kitchen/Internet room late at night to blog at haha. It is getting very bearable at this point and actually a little fun to challenge myself to see if I can make this work out to my benefit. Wow, I was telling my Dad today the amount of money that I could save by living this way for a while. It is pretty amazing.

I went to Men's Warehouse today and got all my dress pants altered since I have lost about 25 pounds at the gym. There was a real rude asshole that was at the front. I got to tell him in front of his employees that I didn't like him and that I am so fucken glad that I didn' have to work with him in a very calm and low voice. It was pretty awesome and ya I know that is not the AA way but fuck it sometimes you just have to tell people that they suck ya know. Someone shit in his Wheaties this morning and he wanted to take it out on the rest of the population.

Anyway, it was a pretty dam good day today. The gym was cool and I had a great workout this morning. Went to a great AA Meeting at 12:00 the topic was having paitence. Something I have to work on every day.. pottery has tought me a lot of paitence but I still need to work on it! I did think to myself there is also a form of false paitence which I guess would be called denial. I was in denial with my ex in that I thought well, I will just have patience for a change in this relationship and maybe she will change - WRONG! fuck that I will never do that shit again. OK, I am still working the the resentment... I also heard that when you are frustrated that something is about to happen, this has always been the case for me personally so it is not always a bad thing to be frustrated. Frustration means that I am not going in the right direction and need to change something or my thinking.

Anyway, then I called the Mac Store and asked them if I could download Itunes onto a regular MP3 player and they said no you have to have the ipod or shuffle or something if you want to use Itunes to download music for free. It is a good deal though and something that I will get when I have some money cuz it is better than paying $14.95 for Napster when I can pay for a shuffle and get all the music for free. that was cool news..

I must say it is nice not to have to watch TV and the CNN News all the time too. It just makes you feel depressed anyway and I am really enjoying other things like having time with Charby at the beach and being outside. I can always watch the TV on the computer anyway..

I love this dam video just thought I would post it again. If you have the time watch it all the way though as it gets so much better and better. I think it sounds very cool..



Love Kid Rock... Good interview if you missed it 3 months ago...




As I see it my goals I set for myself last year are going to be somewhat on track actually. They are form the book "Think and Grow Rich" I have a van paid for now. I have not created financial security with TooTall's Pottery YET but am on my way with my new living arrangement. I have the bike pad down cuz I am selling it haha. Fuck it it is working out. I am looking forward to getting back into the pottery/tattoo game very soon. Actually I am going to start looking for studio space and getting my shit together again. I also will be able to take my art to Tattoo conventions now cuz of the van now. I will buy a bike cash in a few months. I will also hopefully be making $3,000+ by the end of this month so I can accomplish that goal and further my career.

This is what I wrote (Goals) a year ago - July 7th - Sober B-Day

Definite Chief Aim Self Supporting - Happy, Joyas and FREE! Priorities:  Sobriety, Family, Business/Art July 4^th to July 7th ^{(Sober B-Day)} My Definite Chief Aim is:  I will create financial security through TooTall’s Pottery to enable me to feel Happy Joyas and Free!  I will GIVE back what has so freely been given to me.  Happy joyas and free is about giving and then receiving. In order to accomplish this I will work every day on TooTall’s Pottery, keeping myself in great physical, spiritual and mental/emotional shape as to be able to listen for the guidance and inspiration that God will give to me.  This will give me clarity of mind body and spirit to get the answers as I need them. I will keep the fire of desire burning by continually reading books that inspire me.  I will keep in perfect harmony the Master Mind alliance that I have started in the physical and mental form to help me attain my definite chief aim.  I will remember my Priorities:  Sobriety, Family, Business/Art. I will make it part of my daily routine to ATTRACT to me the type of people who have a sense of excellence about their work and who want to excel.  In return for their help I will give each person the full benefit of my years of experience.  By helping others, I will benefit by attracting good people to work with and for me. At the end of the first year of business (July 7^th 2011)

 1.       I will have the bike paid off and a van paid for giving me the means to make money from art shows and advance the business while continuing to pay down the credit card.

 2.       Be totally self supporting and making a nice monthly income = No less than $3,000 net per month!

The Sixteen Principles of Personal Achievement What new thing can I learn today?

The master mind alliance ·  A Definite chief aim ·  Self Control ·   The habit of saving ·  Initiative and leadership ·  Imagination · Enthusiasm · Self Control · The habit of doing more than paid for · A pleasing personality · Accurate thinking · Concentration · Cooperation · Profiting by failure · Tolerance · The golden rule - Cosmic Habit force – It is the natural habit of the human mind to try and make whatever thought you hold in your mind come true in reality.

24th day of Camping...

Posted by Matthew S. Kennedy 805-765-1113

Just got back from a great AA Meeting. The topic was living in today and not tomorrow or the past, just what I needed to hear. I have been praying for my "justified resentment" to go away and for my ex to get everything I would wish for myself OK, I am trying to get there..  I am realizing my part and trying to keep it all in the proper prospective. People are fallible and it does not mean that they MEAN to do anything to you even though sometimes it seems as though they did. I feel like Doogie Houser in this blog writing down what happened for each day. Pretty cool, I never have kept a journal so this will be the first journal I have done and it will be good I think to be able to look back at this part of my life. I am frustrated and pissed but I do know that God is here for me and that I will have some major lessons to learn from this part of my life. I pray every day that I will have the willingness to learn what those lessons are so that I can get through this fast. I know that one way to get through things is to be willing to learn what you need to learn and sometimes like in tonight's meeting someone said that you have to "practice being satisfied". I really related to this because I always want more and I want it faster NOW! I need to constantly remember to plan the action but leave the results up to God. I am not in control of the results. So I should really not have this "justified resentment" if I look at the past in this way. I planned to have a life with this person and a business but the results did not work out this way, it does not mean that she was wrong or I was, it just did not happen the the manner that I would have liked it to or planned. It is tough to swallow this shit though sometimes. I am working on it. I need to work on being satisfied and getting back to basics. That was a very good statement I heard tonight and one that I hope I can remember and practice! I am satisfied and really always have more than I deserve, shit I should not even be on the planet from screwing up so much when I was drinking and using. I am blessed to be above ground and have the chance to make some better more empowering decisions with the next half of my life. Yes being 40 is staring to sink in but I still feel like I want to hold onto the young 24 year old that just finished partying and wants to go have some more fun. Sobriety and being "an adult" sure as hell is not easy all the time. It is definitely the slower way to roll and to get results but the results once achieved are lasting. I would not trade it for anything today. Sometimes like the other day I was close to really wanting to check out but I realized it was just cuz I was frustrated and being a pussy about the whole thing.. I need to man up and take it one day at a time.

More good news:  I went to Securatas to get a security job and swallow some pride, they said it would take like four to six weeks to get hired and that I may have to shave my beard ya fucken right.. I will work it so I don't have to do that shit. I do like the fact that I can do this on the side though. This will enable me to work a second job and something that I can get some extra $ for to pay back things quicker. The good news is that I got a call from a real nice businessman in Goleta that has been in Property Management for over 30 years. He got my Resume and said he wanted to talk for a bit. We ended up talking for about 45 minutes around lunch today. He sounds like a real nice. honest straight shooting businessman. I am excited to be having lunch with him next Tuesday to discuss a possible opportunity for me to take over his business in a couple years. I will have to obtain my Real Estate License but I have wanted to get that for a long time anyway and that would open up more doors for me anyway. He said that he is looking for someone like me that has the experience in the biz and that is still in my prime and wants to take it to the next level. He wants to get out and enjoy life but still keep some equity in the business. I am looking to settle down and he actually even used the word "nest" here in Santa Barbara. I am definitely looking to do that and what an opportunity this could be for me or anyone. Jobs are incredibly hard to find here in this area and this could be just great and something that I can actually have the power to achieve all of the dreams I have for myself. I want to be doing property management but I want to own my own business as well. I also want to buy some real estate before the market goes back up in a few years. I needed this shot in the arm and bit of hope so bad. I was getting really depressed but still had a seed of hope that something like this would happen. I have been working for it and looking every day. Again plan the action and leave the RESULTS up to God and I am telling you from personal experience and watching others around me in the AA program that no less than actual miracles happen and that things will work out better than what I could have even planned. You just have blind faith and keep on keepin on and things just happen that are even better than what you could have planned. If I don't drink or use and make it though the fire things change and change for the better, always.
Till next time...

23rd day of Camping...

Posted by Matthew S. Kennedy 805-765-1113


Getting better... I am actually getting used to living in the van and will probably stay in the dam thing for a while. I thought shit I could make 1/2 what I did before and be in great shape if I can get used to it. I will be able to pay her off in no time.. I would be ahead of the game and actually it has some major benefits for this weirdo:

1. I go to the gym every day and swim after relaxing in the jacuzzi first thing in the morning. I am loosing weight and am actually getting some muscles.. I like the gym! Your health is really your true wealth! I realized this a couple days ago when I pulled a neck muscle trying to change my shirt in the van and was on my back in the van for a couple days - NOT COOL for your emotional stability!
2. I eat better. I know it sounds weird but I have to eat good for a few reasons number one being that you really don't want to have the shits at 2:00AM parked on the street with no bathroom facilities in site... number two being on food stamps or a tight budget always helps me cuz I have a eating disorder and makes it simpler for me to make good food choices. If I have a little bit of money it makes it easier for me for some weird ass reason. I think to myself well, I better eat decent cuz I only have this much to spend per day. Whatever works.... Three - I only buy for that day what I will eat so I am making better choices because I only have to worry about that day and I don't buy everything in sight to eat when I get home. Forth I don't have a Micro or oven/stove to cook shit I like.  Yes I am sick but if I have to get creative about food choices that I can't actually cook then I eat better too by limiting my choices even more.
3. FUCK I SAVE $$$ Cold hard cash! I would pay $800+ renting a friggen room here in paradise (Santa Barbara) where I can save that shit and put it in the bank.. My generation right now in this economy is pretty much shit out of luck for buying a house, etc... So this is my best chance of actually getting ahead financially in this economy. I could save a good amount of money over the next 2-4 years and then when the economy comes back and I get my career back on track I would have a down payment for a house right before the market starts to go up again. This is teaching me that I don't ever want to be in debt again! and that you can take control of your financial life even if you don't even have a job at the moment. There are always resources here in the good USA, ya it may be harder right now but we still have it better than anyone else does.

Made me feel like I was not the only one - today at the 12:00 noon meeting we had all guys and there was about 5 of us that were actively looking for work and can't find shit. It is brutal and you think to yourself when you are looking so hard and nothing is turning out that there must be something wrong with you but really a large part of it is that the economy sucks ass! I can't allow this fact allow me to feel like a victim the jobs are out there they are just harder to get right now. I feel good about lowering my pride and getting a security job that will pay the bills until I can land something good. I have to look at this shit as that way it really is and get some dam money flowing in. It is so weird not having any source of income coming in. It is good though desperation is the mother of inspiration and gets you off your ass and on the right track. I can still turn this shit into lemonade. Saving money is the real incentive and living simple.

Another good note: (I am full of good shit today)

I saved a cute new Pelican yesterday at the beach! I was having my daily nap and lunch with Charby and saw a pelican wash up on the beach and stumble up on the shore. All he could do was wobble around and sit there. There were some fucked up people of course walking up to him and taking pics but I got to use my brain and call animal control. I waited until they came and I must say they were really on the ball, they came in about 20 minutes. I flagged him down and he caught him/her with a net and put her in the truck to re-hydrate her. He said she was a new born and sometimes when they first learn to fly they get dehydrated and just crap out. He crapped out and it was lucky that I saw him and was there to call cuz they were only open for another 10 minutes. He would have had a bad night if I didn't call. Really made me feel great!

23rd day of Camping

Posted by Matthew S. Kennedy 805-765-1113

Well this is getting really old... OK, it is time to get to work now.. I had a phone interview this morning from a Company in the Bay Area. He was cool and said he would call me back next week. This would be a good job for the $ it should be about $65,000 to $75,000 that is not to much for the Bay Area because of the rents being so high. I would find a inexpensive place to live though. Other than that job searching today was nil.

So, I did have a hell of a nap on the beach today with Charby. This is the highlight of our day. We go down to the Goleta Beach by the pier and have lunch together and take a nap listening and watching the waves.  Could be a harder life. I always seem to have exactly what I need and usually more than what I want. I have realized I have some awesome friendships that I have the opportunity to develop. I also feel that my spirit is a lot freerer and that I am much more open to smelling the roses in life now days. Ever since I have been on unemployment and starting the biz and even now I have as peace about me that I really like and am learning to enjoy. When I was working all the time and had all that stress I did not smell the roses at all. I would not have even thought of taking a nap in the afternoon cuz I was caught up in the rat race of paying bills and trying to get more $ and spending more in the process. It is nice to live this beach lifestyle of smelling the roses and experiencing the beauty around me. I guess making the decision to smell the roses even when I go back to work has been worth the whole ordeal here, you always learn something and can always either look at the bad side or the good side of things.

Yesterday I was definitely looking at the bad side of things. I figured it out finally about what I was really  feeling and why I was feeling so bad. I have a "justified resentment" and I was on the pity pot big time about it. a justified resentment is the worst kind of resentment because it something done to you, not what you did to yourself and it is harder to get over. Like I have said I owe my ex $10,000+ dollars and this is a large weight on me more than just regular debt cuz it is my ex ya know. Resentments are the number one offenders for alchohlics and the number one thing that takes us back out. It almost happened to me this week. I was close yesterday to throwing in the towel. I am so glad that my sponsor was there for me and some of my good friends in the program my sponcee is great too! Treetop is a wonderful friend and I consider him my brother. He got so upset because he loves me and does not want to see me depressed. I am loved and have a wonderful family and a group of friends, in AA that  I would not trade for any amount of money. So I really took an inventory about this last relationship and found that I was not so wrong in it that she was. She has admitted her part and is paying her part of the bill so I should not have a resentment I should just suck it up and pay my share. It is just a tough pill to swallow for me. I know if she would have patience with me and the biz that we would be totally fine financially and it bugs the FUCK out of me that it did not work out cuz I loved her too. But if you can;t trust someone you don;t have shit. So I came to the conclusion today to take it one day at a time. If I can pay her back any $ today then I will, if I can't I won't. I can't create magic $ pop out of my ass. I just don't have the ability right now to make the money to pay back right now. I will and as soon as I deal with the resentment and give it to God it will come. I can only do what I can do. I also have this thought in my head that I can't go on and move ahead without first taking care of this debt. I need to change my thinking on this cuz I don't want to put my life on hold just so i can make sure she is taken care of before I get my life back. I deserve more than that. life is short and if she would have had the patience to stick it out then we would have been fine so fuck it I am going to live my life and be good to myself and when I can pay her she will get paid. I am making that decision right now. I won't make any major purchases or anything until she is paid but I can't live for that debt and put everything on hold. I deserve to be happy just as I pray that she is happy and finds what she wants in life. I know what makes me happy and I am going to go out and get it. I will get my business back and I will get on with it. So that is what I learned today. Thanks for listening to my bullshit and till next time..

Don't give a food addict food stamps when he is homeless...

Posted by Matthew S. Kennedy 805-765-1113

I wish I was normal (sometimes) haha. I am such a addict in every way shape and form! I am addicted to everything, food has always been a issue for me. I was Bulimic and anorexic when I was 13 or 14 and then it just went to compulsive overeating and compulsive everything after that. I will tell on myself again just cuz fuck it it is funny or sad what ever you think... If you are like me and a compulsive over eater then you will relate if you are not you will think I am a fucken freak. I ate so much fucken tri tip steak at F.McKlintocks Saloon and Dining House one day that I almost killed myself a couple years ago. They fix these tri tip steak kabobs and they were BBQ'Ing at the San Luis Obispo Thursday night Farmers Market. I had about 4 of these things and then we decided to go to the actual restaurant for dinner after this. I proceeded to have a huge steak dinner and ate off her plate as well. I had such bad heart palpitations that night that I seriously thought I would die. I had to stay up and pray I would make it until the steak digested, hows that for a real sick fucker... haha. I am something else. But I am sober haha. We are not saints it says in the program and I am sure glad it says that cuz I have made every fucken mistake in the book besides not picking up a drink. Progress not perfection... t is a one day at a time thing for me and today was not all that great. I did OK until it came to McDonald for my nightly all you can drink soda and greasy ass McDouble for a $1.00 not so good for you.. I remember watching that show on TV about 30 days and this guy and his girlfriend tried to make it on minimum, wage for 30 days and they talked about eating crap like this cuz of the low price. Also the supersize me video. It is a vicious circle of feeling bad but then you want something hot and you go back for it. I started out good today going to the store and using my food stamp credit card to buy a Naked fruit drink and some cashews after working out and swimming some laps at the gym this morning. Then I went back to buy some lunch meat and crackers and pudding (fucken pudding) then I went back to get some candy (see where this is going).. I obsess on everything and especially something that will change the way I am feeling. I ate OK until I came here to McDonlads and ordered the McDouble and coke. I am addicted to certain foods like Chocolate and sugar, etc.. They set me on a run and I just keep going until the pain get to much. I am acknowledging this through this blog so maybe my shit will change. I can eat right and keep my body in good shape to make it through this tuff time or be an asshole and eat like shit until I totally crap out or go drink. I will try and change and eat better tomorrow. It is the boredom of not having my business to go after and work, etc... I know but I have to stay strong and keep things moving in the right direction no matter what right now. I can not give into my demons right now. Usually I can't have anything good in the house or frig cuz I will just go through it like pac man. I am not proud of this and I don't want anyone to get the impression I am, I am just an addict trying to live one day at a time. in times of stress I go to food for state change. So back to the fucken food stamps, something about being able to just use the card to buy what I want sent me for a spin this week and I need to watch that or get used to buying good stuff to eat. I like to eat cheep cuz I only get stuff I NEED to eat and not what I want to eat. I am obsessing about the card and the money on the card and what i should buy with it to feed myself not good at making decisions like this obviously. I need some more OA Meeting's I guess. I just feel like I need to live at meetings sometimes to protect myself from myself.

OK enough negative talk. Something good that happend today is that I got to go to a good AA Meeting at 12:00 and then go to the beach and take a nap. I love to go to the beach and take a nap in the afternoon. I love Goleta and want to stay here so bad. I park the van in the parking lot and get to open the door and get into my bed and watch and listen to the ocean. Pretty awesome. Oh and I did e-mail my friend (the President of Inked Magazine to see if I could get a job somewhere in the Tattoo Industry. Don is the President and he gave me a great link on his Inked Magazine website a few months ago. I made him a Japanees tiger vase and he is a cool dude. Maybe I can get together with him in some way. That would be killer cuz of the ceramic tattoo idea I have.

My friend gave me a lead at the Casa Esperanza program for the homeless here in Santa Barbara. I drove by but was so freaked out I drove off. I may need to go talk to them and see if they can do something for me. I don't want to and I have another week or so until I will have to do this. I don't want to do this cuz of the obvious reason and having to share living arrangements freaks me out. I also have my cat and I don't want him to be alone at night. I also don't want to get stuck at a place and have to sell the van and take a bus to some shit ass place to work and get stuck. OK stay possitive... Well the weekends like this are tuff cuz I don't have anything to do like look for work, I guess I could but I need to take a break at some point and the weekends usually suck to call people and stuff. I will make it through this weekend...
Till next time...

6th day of Camping Homeless...

Posted by Matthew S. Kennedy 805-765-1113


Today has started out very good. I got up on time at 6:00PM and went to the gym till 9:00AM. Then I came here to the great coffee shop in town called Zizzos Coffee.

I love this place - Great bar attendants and a very pleasant place to come and work on the computer. Good Wi-Fi and pretty dam good coffee too. Last night I had the idea of unzipping my sleeping bag all the way and use it as a blanket instead of a cocoon and it worked out better. I keep tweaking it and making it more streamline - I am making this a challenge and I am getting into the empowerment of helping people via this blog. I have had so much experience with websites and social networking I may as will put it to use and spread a positive word that could help people. That is how blogs spread anyway - something useful and positive so that is what I am going to do is keep this blog on a very positive note but I will say something when I think it is bullshit too. You will get he whole banana here so be ware..

So - GREAT NEWS! I got a minimum wage job yesterday haha. I have not had that since I was 14 years old ($8.00 Hr.) and started working and you know what I don't give a shit!  It is what I want to do and I am so happy that I have the opportunity to give back to this great Community and help some cool people. I will be working at a wonderful place called Genesis Developmental Services here in Goleta. So I should start next week after I get fingerprinted and livescand. It is working well I will just copy this off the website:

Community Care Facilities: Adult Day Programs

Genesis Developmental Services operates four Adult Day Programs serving a combined capacity of 160 individuals. These day services provide active treatment to persons with developmental disabilities in order to enhance their quality of life and provide an opportunity to reach their full potential. All programs are committed to provide excellent care for physical, behavioral, and medical challenges.

Our programs focus on activities of daily living skills, behavior modification, ambulatory and non-ambulatory programming, alternative communication, assistive technology, adaptive equipment, volunteer and social work, and exceptional medical and nursing care to include  physical therapy.

I said that I would give some tips to anyone that is going through this or about to. I started this journey because of the help of my cool AA sponsor that has been with me for 15 years John, I have two great sponsors, this one (John) works for the County helping the homeless so when I was in trouble and the EDD put a hold on my unemployment benefits I called John and said HELP! He pointed me in the direction and I took it form there. It is my mission to investigate every possible source of help for people in need here in this area.

So, if you have a van like me to live in you will want to contact the "Safe Parking Program" Her name is Nancy (Very cool chick).  805-284-3463. Tell her your situation and you may get some car insurance help - She was so great to pay a few months of car insurance so that I could park in these assigned "Safe Parking" lots. This way you don;t have the added stress of worrying about the cops coming and hastling you in the middle of the night. I can't tell you what a relief it was to have car insurance and to have a place to sleep that was fairly safe and that was "legal". If you don't have a car to live in and you are a single male like me then you will want to go to 3 places here locally.

1. Casa Esperanza Homeless Center 805-884-8481
2. Salvation Army 
4849 Hollister Avenue
Goleta, CA 93111-2842
(805) 964-87383. The Santa Barbara Rescue Mission 805-966-1316


If you are a single Mom with kids you can contact:  Emilia or Dee at Transition House 805-966-9668

If you need some eye glasses cuz this is so important and something again you don't want to worry about. I went to a wonderful organization here in Goleta called SEE. 

They will give you a voucher for free eye glasses if you provide the script. Great Organization and I was and will again someday continue to give to this organization. Very cool... The address for Goleta is:  7200 Hollister Avenue, Unit A  Goleta, CA 93117-2807  Phone: (805) 963-3303 Fax: (805) 965-3564  www.seeintl.org

Catholic Charities here in Santa Barbara is a WONDERFUL RESOURCE for all kinds of help people don't really ordinarily no about. You can a weekly food pass. You can get your rent paid for a couple months if you meet some simple requirements, etc... Check them out first all you have to do is go in and ask to talk to one of the great counselors there. They are located here:
609 East Haley Street
Santa Barbara, CA 93103-3109
(805) 965-7045

During these difficult economic times, the Santa Barbara Region of Catholic Charities is committed to helping those who are struggling. With the support of dedicated community members and volunteers, the Region has developed a wide range of services that cater to families and individuals in need.

Since 1924, the Region has raised funds to directly support the mission of preventing homelessness and advancing self-sufficiency. Catholic Charities is the only organization in Santa Barbara CountyFEMA and HPRP grants. This year, while the Region is operating on a significantly reduced budget, services will still be delivered to at least 42,000 unduplicated persons.

The Region’s well known Thrifty Shopper stores in Santa Barbara and Santa Maria represent a community effort to help. Donations from the public provide clients with free clothing and household goods while revenue from sales help support the agency’s programs and services.

As the largest non-profit distributor of food in Santa Barbara County, Catholic Charities delivered over 1.9 million pounds of food during 2008.

I actually started here with a nice gal called Darleen 805-252-4074 from the Homeless prevention and rapid re-housing program (hud). She sent me to the Catholic Charity and I got some really needed help. They paid my rent in December and all i had to do is meet with someone for 1/2 hour and fill out a one page form. Very cool program that no one knows about I guess Santa Barbara has a 2.1 Million Dollar Obama Stimulus plan amount of money in reserve and they need to give it away so go get it. 


If you are unemployment like I was you can see a really great gal at the local EDD Office named Zeida Cell:  884-8003 - 568-1393 Front office of EDD 128 East Ortega Street
Santa Barbara, CA 93101-1631 You can go here and get a card and they let you use the computer for fre for like 2-4 hours a day. Good resource for going back to school and different Government grants people don;t know about that they can take advantage of while they are going through finding another job. She will shoot it straight.

 If you need health care good luck haha. You have to go to:

Walk in Clinic Tue. Morning Urgent Care 345 camino del Renedio County Clinic 345 Camino Del Remedio
Santa Barbara, CA 93110-1332
(805) 737-6450

They suck and are very rude but oh well it is free go for it I am. Oh get there 15 minutes early or they will send you home.

If you need food stamps and don;t want to go to Catholic Charities you can go to this website - http://www.countyofsb.org/social_services/default_rt.aspx?id=15068&id2=15480 for a lot of great information and even some City Jobs listed.

Food Assistance

We help people get enough to eat

Food Stamps is a supplemental program that helps low-income people buy the food they need in order to maintain adequate nutritional levels. The Food Stamp program is funded by the Department of Agriculture and is administered by our department. Benefits are provided on an electronic card that is used like an ATM card and accepted at most grocery stores including the Santa Barbara Farmer’s Market.

Through nutrition education partners, the Food Stamp program helps clients learn to make healthy eating and active lifestyle choices. These partners are; Women, Infant & Children (WIC) a nutrition program administered by the Public Health Department which helps many new mothers, the Meals on Wheels program administered by the Community Action Commission which helps many seniors, and the Foodbank of Santa Barbara County which provides nutritional classes, food assistance, and Food Stamp outreach.

More resources to come on I hope a daily or every other day basis...

***Please tweet the shit out of this and spread it through Facebook etc... If you want to be cool and help some people!
Thanks, TooTall

My 4th day of Camping

Posted by

Matthew S. Kennedy with www.tootallspottery.com Ceramic Tattoo Art 

Phone: (805)-765-1113

e-mail:  tootallspottery@yahoo.com

Please Also Visit

Tattoo Art Gallery.com

Memorial Tattoo Urns.com


SUCKS! Don't like it and feeling very shitty about the whole deal. Not a great day today but maybe tomorrow the day will better. The excitement of the whole thing has definitely worn off now. I feel bad for my cat (Charby) cuz all he is doing is covering up under the blankets and won't come out all day. I feel the worst for him, I am OK sleeping in the van but he does not like it all. He does come out at night and I feed him but I know he is not happy. He was abused when I adopted him and he is very skittish/old (12 years old) so the opening of the van door and other doors is not cool for him. Also cleaning up cat throw up in the morning when you wake up in your car is not really the way you want to start your day man... I would like to be waking up to someone else in a real bed and in a real house namely mine - OK enough wining for one day where is the fucken cheese right. 


Ya, so I woke up cleaned up the cat throw up and went to the gym and worked out, it was good and I started off good. I then went to fix the van with a mechanic from my old apartment complex and dropped off he car went to MacDonald's and called property management companies for work. I got a hold of someone in San Luis Obispo but I had to tell here that I could not afford to drive there to interview. It was part time and I just can't afford to go on interviews that are part time 1 1/2 hours away right now. This was probably not the job for me anyway. I could do part time here in Santa Barbara cuz I know the town and my gym is here, etc... So that was the only lead I got today. Then went and picked up the van from it's tune up, runs a lot better but I am now down to like $500.00  and that is it. As I drive around town I see homeless without a car to stay in and it is really scary. It makes me nervous and afraid of loosing all the money I have and really getting stuck in a place that I can not get out of or that will take me a ton of time to rebuild everything.  If I can get a job in the next couple weeks I can start to recover and at least be able to get to work, etc.. but if I have no gas money I don't know what I would do. OK, so ya I am a mess today and I am sure this is not helping anyone but maybe it will help me by getting it out on blogger. I took a nap at the beach about 3:00 to 7:00 and then went to an OA Meeting tonight from 7:30 to 8:30 and now am sitting in my home base (McDonald's) and writing this blog post. I will need to take a PM tonight to get to bed or maybe I can just read and that will do it? I will call a friend or two and go to bed. I need to get up early and go to the gym o I can go to a temporary agency and meet with a contact I made at a networking meeting I was attending on Friday mornings for TooTall's Pottery. He should be able to hook me up with something if I can pass there fucken bullshit tests they want you to take - I hate tests...  I am then just going to go form one end of the town to the next and fill out aps at every place I think would be good. I saw a Fed Ex guy in Taco bell at lunch and asked him if they were hiring and he said that they were and told me the location to apply so I will go there and go to a couple of other places friends have advised me to go. I need to keep a possitive attitude and just plan the action and leave the results up to God. Good night - Matt (TooTall)

First Blog Post on 3rd day of being homeless by TooTall 5-17-2011

Posted by

Matthew S. Kennedy with www.tootallspottery.com Ceramic Tattoo Art 

Phone: (805)-765-1113

e-mail:  tootallspottery@yahoo.com

I am sitting here in Goleta Ca. (paradise) at a wonderful McDonald's that has all or actually more of the comforts of my previous little studio apartment. It has a nice table that I can set my laptop on and have a glass of water, enjoy a yogurt parfait for a $1.00 and watch CNN wile I blog -  Life is cool...

OK so I am not completely homeless, I have a 1990 Ford van that God blessed me with to "go camping" in.. I am going to choose to make this journey of mine a empowering experience by trying to help the homeless and people that may become homeless soon. My story is not special or different than so many Americans today. We are all just one paycheck away from being in my situation or even worse and it can be scary or freeing - your choice. I am choosing to enjoy the journey and say fuck the destination cuz the destination is 6 feet under and if you are looking back at yesterday or toward tomorrow you are pissing on today. 

Yes, I will be using a lot of AA slogans and wording in this blog and none of it will be original, I stole it all sitting in thousands of AA meetings over the last 15+ years (the only thing I have done perfectly - Not pick up). I went to a AA meeting today and it was the Tuesday "gratitude meeting". I love it because even when I don't feel grateful I can get grateful by attending this meeting once a week. By the end of it hearing everyone's thoughts on why they are grateful for the things in their life you are bound to think of some of your own.

Yesterday I got a call form a nice lady that I gave a ride to a couple weeks ago. Things are always relative. She has it a lot worse than I do. She called me to see if she could rent some space in my little studio apartment. I had to tell her that I am living in the van and she had to try and call other people to see what she could do. Broke my heart and if the van was bigger I woulds have let her stay in it. It rained last night and all I could think of is if she was OK. I know of young families that where trying so hard to go for the American Dream with 3 kids that have to go "camping" too. It is really brutal out there right now.

This is my third day sleeping in the van and I am so glad I bought a great sleeping bag that was good for 5- below temperatures. This is the one thing that has made everything cool for me personally cuz I hate to be cold and I need good sleep. The second thing was a great was a small flashlight I got at the auto parts store for the dark nights - a couple is better for different places in the van. I want to document the things I have been doing in the last few days because I think maybe people can learn from my success's and failures. I will attempt to outline below some of the thinking that I was doing and some of the actions I took to be I have to say pretty happy and comfortable as of today anyway. I of course had to close my ceramics business down (temporarily) and that took about 2 weeks prior to me moving out of the apartment. I also was trying to be proactive in thinking that I would be homeless and trying to think of things I needed to have when the time came. I had that luxury that so many don't of having 2 weeks to plan and to buy some essentials, etc... 

• I was proactive not reactive in staying positive and working hard one day at a time. No one can blame you for anything as long as you try your best - not even yourself. 
•  I cleaned my apartment and left when I should have as to keep my empowerment of being and doing everything I can right. Don't try and cheat cuz cheaters never win in the long run - Karma man....
• I prayed and went to my AA Meetings and tried to keep things or daily tasks as normal as possible as to keep the stress down and have some things be an anchor in my life while going through this major change that was and is scary. 
• I wrote a schedule, very important again to obtain some kind of empowerment. I wrote down what I was going to do each day and the times in which I would do them. Like 6AM get up and drive to the gym to workout and shower, 9AM go to coffee shop and look for work. 12:00 go to a AA Meeting, 1-4 look for work. 4-6 go back to gym and take a shower. or blog at McDonalds. 7-9 another meeting. 9-11 call friends or blog and then go park and go to bed. This is the weekday schedule.
• HALT - Hungry, angry, lonely or tired. this is a saying that has really helped me and I am trying to practice this. It is just going back to basics and feeling good so you can be productive and make some shit happen.
• I made sure I did first things first and that is made my bed - even though it is in a van haha. seriously I took my appearance and my personal hygiene very important so that I could again be empowered and feel good about myself. Any one can do this - the dollar store has everything you need. 
• Prayed...

Just think I was at the top of my career as a Property Manager managing this beautiful 22 story high rise below in downtown Los Angels two years ago and today I am living in my van and can't seem to find a job. It is not all the economies fault of why I am where I am in my life right now. I have made some mistakes or some chain of events like everyone that leads up to this point. I made the first choice to co-mingle my financial life with my ex girlfriend and try and start a business with her after 1 month of dating. She is a good person and I loved here and actually still do have a lot of love for her and call her my friend. I have learned (my part) in the relationship and one of the things that I did was give her a resentment a month into it by giving an ultimatum and that is not fair. I also expected her to want the business as much as I did and  that is not fair. Many more lessons that I have learned and am learning but will not go into all of that right now. The second reason is that I quite or got myself laid off by exposing the truth about my last position here in Goleta to keep my integrity in tact and I am so glad I did that even though I am siting here in McDonald at 10PM about to go sleep in the van.  I can look myself in the eye today and take full responsibility for all that my life is about today. I want to learn and am eager to see what the next phase of my development will be. Life is a journey not a destination and we all have our own personal journey's to take and deal with.

Until the next blog...