25th Day of Camping... Homeless in Santa Barbara Ca.

Posted by Matthew S. Kennedy 805-765-1113


This blogging everyday is getting pretty cool. The Goleta Beach by the pier is becoming my living room in the late afternoon and the McDonlad's is the kitchen/Internet room late at night to blog at haha. It is getting very bearable at this point and actually a little fun to challenge myself to see if I can make this work out to my benefit. Wow, I was telling my Dad today the amount of money that I could save by living this way for a while. It is pretty amazing.

I went to Men's Warehouse today and got all my dress pants altered since I have lost about 25 pounds at the gym. There was a real rude asshole that was at the front. I got to tell him in front of his employees that I didn't like him and that I am so fucken glad that I didn' have to work with him in a very calm and low voice. It was pretty awesome and ya I know that is not the AA way but fuck it sometimes you just have to tell people that they suck ya know. Someone shit in his Wheaties this morning and he wanted to take it out on the rest of the population.

Anyway, it was a pretty dam good day today. The gym was cool and I had a great workout this morning. Went to a great AA Meeting at 12:00 the topic was having paitence. Something I have to work on every day.. pottery has tought me a lot of paitence but I still need to work on it! I did think to myself there is also a form of false paitence which I guess would be called denial. I was in denial with my ex in that I thought well, I will just have patience for a change in this relationship and maybe she will change - WRONG! fuck that I will never do that shit again. OK, I am still working the the resentment... I also heard that when you are frustrated that something is about to happen, this has always been the case for me personally so it is not always a bad thing to be frustrated. Frustration means that I am not going in the right direction and need to change something or my thinking.

Anyway, then I called the Mac Store and asked them if I could download Itunes onto a regular MP3 player and they said no you have to have the ipod or shuffle or something if you want to use Itunes to download music for free. It is a good deal though and something that I will get when I have some money cuz it is better than paying $14.95 for Napster when I can pay for a shuffle and get all the music for free. that was cool news..

I must say it is nice not to have to watch TV and the CNN News all the time too. It just makes you feel depressed anyway and I am really enjoying other things like having time with Charby at the beach and being outside. I can always watch the TV on the computer anyway..

I love this dam video just thought I would post it again. If you have the time watch it all the way though as it gets so much better and better. I think it sounds very cool..



Love Kid Rock... Good interview if you missed it 3 months ago...




As I see it my goals I set for myself last year are going to be somewhat on track actually. They are form the book "Think and Grow Rich" I have a van paid for now. I have not created financial security with TooTall's Pottery YET but am on my way with my new living arrangement. I have the bike pad down cuz I am selling it haha. Fuck it it is working out. I am looking forward to getting back into the pottery/tattoo game very soon. Actually I am going to start looking for studio space and getting my shit together again. I also will be able to take my art to Tattoo conventions now cuz of the van now. I will buy a bike cash in a few months. I will also hopefully be making $3,000+ by the end of this month so I can accomplish that goal and further my career.

This is what I wrote (Goals) a year ago - July 7th - Sober B-Day

Definite Chief Aim Self Supporting - Happy, Joyas and FREE! Priorities:  Sobriety, Family, Business/Art July 4^th to July 7th ^{(Sober B-Day)} My Definite Chief Aim is:  I will create financial security through TooTall’s Pottery to enable me to feel Happy Joyas and Free!  I will GIVE back what has so freely been given to me.  Happy joyas and free is about giving and then receiving. In order to accomplish this I will work every day on TooTall’s Pottery, keeping myself in great physical, spiritual and mental/emotional shape as to be able to listen for the guidance and inspiration that God will give to me.  This will give me clarity of mind body and spirit to get the answers as I need them. I will keep the fire of desire burning by continually reading books that inspire me.  I will keep in perfect harmony the Master Mind alliance that I have started in the physical and mental form to help me attain my definite chief aim.  I will remember my Priorities:  Sobriety, Family, Business/Art. I will make it part of my daily routine to ATTRACT to me the type of people who have a sense of excellence about their work and who want to excel.  In return for their help I will give each person the full benefit of my years of experience.  By helping others, I will benefit by attracting good people to work with and for me. At the end of the first year of business (July 7^th 2011)

 1.       I will have the bike paid off and a van paid for giving me the means to make money from art shows and advance the business while continuing to pay down the credit card.

 2.       Be totally self supporting and making a nice monthly income = No less than $3,000 net per month!

The Sixteen Principles of Personal Achievement What new thing can I learn today?

The master mind alliance ·  A Definite chief aim ·  Self Control ·   The habit of saving ·  Initiative and leadership ·  Imagination · Enthusiasm · Self Control · The habit of doing more than paid for · A pleasing personality · Accurate thinking · Concentration · Cooperation · Profiting by failure · Tolerance · The golden rule - Cosmic Habit force – It is the natural habit of the human mind to try and make whatever thought you hold in your mind come true in reality.

24th day of Camping...

Posted by Matthew S. Kennedy 805-765-1113

Just got back from a great AA Meeting. The topic was living in today and not tomorrow or the past, just what I needed to hear. I have been praying for my "justified resentment" to go away and for my ex to get everything I would wish for myself OK, I am trying to get there..  I am realizing my part and trying to keep it all in the proper prospective. People are fallible and it does not mean that they MEAN to do anything to you even though sometimes it seems as though they did. I feel like Doogie Houser in this blog writing down what happened for each day. Pretty cool, I never have kept a journal so this will be the first journal I have done and it will be good I think to be able to look back at this part of my life. I am frustrated and pissed but I do know that God is here for me and that I will have some major lessons to learn from this part of my life. I pray every day that I will have the willingness to learn what those lessons are so that I can get through this fast. I know that one way to get through things is to be willing to learn what you need to learn and sometimes like in tonight's meeting someone said that you have to "practice being satisfied". I really related to this because I always want more and I want it faster NOW! I need to constantly remember to plan the action but leave the results up to God. I am not in control of the results. So I should really not have this "justified resentment" if I look at the past in this way. I planned to have a life with this person and a business but the results did not work out this way, it does not mean that she was wrong or I was, it just did not happen the the manner that I would have liked it to or planned. It is tough to swallow this shit though sometimes. I am working on it. I need to work on being satisfied and getting back to basics. That was a very good statement I heard tonight and one that I hope I can remember and practice! I am satisfied and really always have more than I deserve, shit I should not even be on the planet from screwing up so much when I was drinking and using. I am blessed to be above ground and have the chance to make some better more empowering decisions with the next half of my life. Yes being 40 is staring to sink in but I still feel like I want to hold onto the young 24 year old that just finished partying and wants to go have some more fun. Sobriety and being "an adult" sure as hell is not easy all the time. It is definitely the slower way to roll and to get results but the results once achieved are lasting. I would not trade it for anything today. Sometimes like the other day I was close to really wanting to check out but I realized it was just cuz I was frustrated and being a pussy about the whole thing.. I need to man up and take it one day at a time.

More good news:  I went to Securatas to get a security job and swallow some pride, they said it would take like four to six weeks to get hired and that I may have to shave my beard ya fucken right.. I will work it so I don't have to do that shit. I do like the fact that I can do this on the side though. This will enable me to work a second job and something that I can get some extra $ for to pay back things quicker. The good news is that I got a call from a real nice businessman in Goleta that has been in Property Management for over 30 years. He got my Resume and said he wanted to talk for a bit. We ended up talking for about 45 minutes around lunch today. He sounds like a real nice. honest straight shooting businessman. I am excited to be having lunch with him next Tuesday to discuss a possible opportunity for me to take over his business in a couple years. I will have to obtain my Real Estate License but I have wanted to get that for a long time anyway and that would open up more doors for me anyway. He said that he is looking for someone like me that has the experience in the biz and that is still in my prime and wants to take it to the next level. He wants to get out and enjoy life but still keep some equity in the business. I am looking to settle down and he actually even used the word "nest" here in Santa Barbara. I am definitely looking to do that and what an opportunity this could be for me or anyone. Jobs are incredibly hard to find here in this area and this could be just great and something that I can actually have the power to achieve all of the dreams I have for myself. I want to be doing property management but I want to own my own business as well. I also want to buy some real estate before the market goes back up in a few years. I needed this shot in the arm and bit of hope so bad. I was getting really depressed but still had a seed of hope that something like this would happen. I have been working for it and looking every day. Again plan the action and leave the RESULTS up to God and I am telling you from personal experience and watching others around me in the AA program that no less than actual miracles happen and that things will work out better than what I could have even planned. You just have blind faith and keep on keepin on and things just happen that are even better than what you could have planned. If I don't drink or use and make it though the fire things change and change for the better, always.
Till next time...

23rd day of Camping...

Posted by Matthew S. Kennedy 805-765-1113


Getting better... I am actually getting used to living in the van and will probably stay in the dam thing for a while. I thought shit I could make 1/2 what I did before and be in great shape if I can get used to it. I will be able to pay her off in no time.. I would be ahead of the game and actually it has some major benefits for this weirdo:

1. I go to the gym every day and swim after relaxing in the jacuzzi first thing in the morning. I am loosing weight and am actually getting some muscles.. I like the gym! Your health is really your true wealth! I realized this a couple days ago when I pulled a neck muscle trying to change my shirt in the van and was on my back in the van for a couple days - NOT COOL for your emotional stability!
2. I eat better. I know it sounds weird but I have to eat good for a few reasons number one being that you really don't want to have the shits at 2:00AM parked on the street with no bathroom facilities in site... number two being on food stamps or a tight budget always helps me cuz I have a eating disorder and makes it simpler for me to make good food choices. If I have a little bit of money it makes it easier for me for some weird ass reason. I think to myself well, I better eat decent cuz I only have this much to spend per day. Whatever works.... Three - I only buy for that day what I will eat so I am making better choices because I only have to worry about that day and I don't buy everything in sight to eat when I get home. Forth I don't have a Micro or oven/stove to cook shit I like.  Yes I am sick but if I have to get creative about food choices that I can't actually cook then I eat better too by limiting my choices even more.
3. FUCK I SAVE $$$ Cold hard cash! I would pay $800+ renting a friggen room here in paradise (Santa Barbara) where I can save that shit and put it in the bank.. My generation right now in this economy is pretty much shit out of luck for buying a house, etc... So this is my best chance of actually getting ahead financially in this economy. I could save a good amount of money over the next 2-4 years and then when the economy comes back and I get my career back on track I would have a down payment for a house right before the market starts to go up again. This is teaching me that I don't ever want to be in debt again! and that you can take control of your financial life even if you don't even have a job at the moment. There are always resources here in the good USA, ya it may be harder right now but we still have it better than anyone else does.

Made me feel like I was not the only one - today at the 12:00 noon meeting we had all guys and there was about 5 of us that were actively looking for work and can't find shit. It is brutal and you think to yourself when you are looking so hard and nothing is turning out that there must be something wrong with you but really a large part of it is that the economy sucks ass! I can't allow this fact allow me to feel like a victim the jobs are out there they are just harder to get right now. I feel good about lowering my pride and getting a security job that will pay the bills until I can land something good. I have to look at this shit as that way it really is and get some dam money flowing in. It is so weird not having any source of income coming in. It is good though desperation is the mother of inspiration and gets you off your ass and on the right track. I can still turn this shit into lemonade. Saving money is the real incentive and living simple.

Another good note: (I am full of good shit today)

I saved a cute new Pelican yesterday at the beach! I was having my daily nap and lunch with Charby and saw a pelican wash up on the beach and stumble up on the shore. All he could do was wobble around and sit there. There were some fucked up people of course walking up to him and taking pics but I got to use my brain and call animal control. I waited until they came and I must say they were really on the ball, they came in about 20 minutes. I flagged him down and he caught him/her with a net and put her in the truck to re-hydrate her. He said she was a new born and sometimes when they first learn to fly they get dehydrated and just crap out. He crapped out and it was lucky that I saw him and was there to call cuz they were only open for another 10 minutes. He would have had a bad night if I didn't call. Really made me feel great!